More Than One
by sinemoras09
Summary: Yato makes Kazuma his shinki. Bishamon is not amused. One-sided Kazuma/Bishamon. Crack. No spoilers.


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1.

They were running. Yato turned hard, scrambling toward the bush, as Kazuma ran beside him, throwing a line and blocking the ayakashi's path.

"Kazuma!" Yato's arms pumped, running faster and faster. "Kazuma, I'm gonna do something and you're not gonna like it-"

"Yato we don't have time for this!" Kazuma threw another line, striking the Ayakashi but barely slowing it down. "We are surrounded! If they catch up to us we're goners for sure!"

"Then just remember I got no choice in this, okay?" Yato said, and he raised his hand in a halberd.

" _You, with nowhere to go and nowhere to return_ -"

"Yato, what are you-"

" _I grant you a place to belong_."

"Yato this isn't funny!"

" _Thou art Kazu! Thy vessel is Chou!_ Come!" Yato said, and he slashed his hand. " _Chouki_!"

And Kazuma made a strangled noise as he was zapped into Yato's hand.

xXx

.

"Huh?!" Yukine's eyes were wide. "You shitty Jersey! The hell did you mean, you took Kazuma?!"

"Uh, we were being chased by phantoms and Kazuma was the only one there-"

" _You coulda called me, you piece of shit!_ "

"But Yukine! You were studying with Hiyori! And I didn't have a choice!"

"I can't believe this," Kazuma said. Yato's name, unlike Yukine's, was branded squarely on his forehead. "Veena is going to have a fit! You have to release me, Yato! Now!"

"Oh wow, you're not even stinging me," Yato said. He grinned, tapping Kazuma on the shoulder. "Normally when shinki don't want to be nora, they sting their masters like crazy. I didn't even feel a prick! That means you agree with me, _Kazune_!" Yato said.

Kazuma sputtered. Yukine raised his fist.

"You piece of shit, Yato, give Kazuma-san's name back!" Yukine said.

"Well, technically Kazuma still has his name..." Yato grinned. "He's just Kazune, too!"

The rice paper door slammed open. Bishamon stormed through Kofuku's door.

"Where is Yato?!" Bishamon said. Daikoku and Kofuku started. Yato took cover under the table.

"Tell that crazy bitch I'm not here!" Yato said.

"You worthless pile of scum, _what did you do to my shinki_?"

"Oh whoa there, that's no way to talk in front of a lady!" Yato said. He was talking about Kofuku. Bishamon's temple throbbed.

"I WILL KILL YOU," Bishamon said.

"Yaaay~~~" Kofuku clapped her hands. "Bisha's on the warpath! Yay! Yaaay!~~"

"This is a fuckin' trainwreck," Daikoku said to Yukine, as Kazuma came barreling forward.

"Veena!" Kazuma said, and he muscled between them, the mark on his forehead like a huge bullseye. "Please, you mustn't fight with Yato here!"

"He _forced_ you into a nora! I will not let that stand!"

"You know what, you stupid psycho, I was gonna release Kazuma all along! But now you've pissed me off, so guess who's going to keep him?"

"SAIKI!" Bishamon said.

"CHOUKI!" Yato said.

"So four-eyes is a scythe, huh?" Daikoku said, as Bishamon and Yato started battling in the courtyard.

xXx

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"Ugh," Kazuma said. He tried combing his bangs over the mark, but that just made the brand all the more noticeable. "When exactly do you plan on releasing me, Yato? I do not appreciate being roped into your ridiculous games."

"You ever notice how that crazy nympho likes broken things?" Yato said. Kazuma sighed.

"I also do not appreciate you trying to change the subject," Kazuma said.

"No hear me out," Yato said. "When you were injured, she fawned all over you, right? Well how much you wanna bet she's gonna be fawning all over that mug of yours, after this? C'mon, _Kazune_ ," Yato said. "She's gonna be missing her poor widdle chouki. Just think of me as your wingman," Yato said, and he winked.

"Besides! Her face was friggin priceless! I just wanna piss her off some more!"

"Ugh!" Kazuma said again, and he banged his head against the table.

"Wha-" Yato jumped. "Kazuma! Teme! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!"

"Because I'm no longer pure and Veena won't want me!"

"O-oi," Yato said. There was a drop of sweat on his temple. "It's not like we made out or anything-"

" _We might as well have_!" Kazuma wailed.

("...The shit is this?" Yukine said. Daikoku shook his head.)

"Okay, first of all, no way in hell would I make out with you! I'm gonna marry Hiyori!" Yato said. "Second of all, you _wish_ you could make out with me! You'd be so much better off with this dreamboat here, instead of wasting your time with that psycho dumbass, stupid-bitch goon!"

"I just wanted to serve Veena faithfully," Kazuma sniffed. He looked up, his face tear-streaked and blotchy. "But now I'm a nora, I might as well be trash! What proper god would want me, now?"

"But nothing's changed, Kazuma! You're still her stupid earring. You just, I dunno, you just have a little extra flare~"

"Flare?" Kazuma said. Yato's mark seemed to glow like a tramp stamp on his forehead.

("He isn't stingin' ya, yet?" Daikoku asked Yato. Yato shook his head.

"It's actually pretty amazing, but no...he isn't," Yato said.

And Yukine patted Kazuma sympathetically on the head.)

xXx

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"So...Kazuma-san is a nora, now?" Hiyori tilted her head, confused.

"I assure you, Iki-san. It was not by choice."

"But what about Yukine-kun? Wouldn't he get upset at Yato?"

"Apparently Yato has told Yukine that he is his exemplar, he has complete authority over me," Kazuma said. He sighed, tragically.

"Ne, ne, Hiyori," Yato said, and he wrapped his arms around Yukine and "Kazune," grinning, happily. "Guess how many gods have _two_ hafuri vessels?"

"But Kazuma-san became a hafuri for Bishamon-sama," Hiyori said.

"That pervy four-eyes wouldn't have become a hafuri if it weren't for me, Hiyori! So basically I'm the one who made him!" Yato said.

"My forehead hurts," Kazuma said. Yato grabbed Kazuma's cellphone and took a picture.

xXx

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"Oh no," Mayu said, as Yato marched both his shinki into Tenjin's courtyard.

"Hey, Tomone! Long time no see~~" Yato said, and he forced Kazuma into a headlock. "Guess who got a great new shinki?"

"First you storm the heavens with Bishamonten, and now you steal her shinki," Tenjin said. He fanned himself, shaking his head. "Really, Yato. How far do you have to go?"

"And how do you fare, young Yukine?" Tsuyu said.

"Can't complain," Yukine said. Behind him, Yato was chasing Kazuma around the fountain.

"Dammit, Kazune! I'm your master now! So you need to worship me and help me bathe in the holy springs-"

"It takes the heat off me, honestly," Yukine said.

"I see," Tsuyu said, as Yato grabbed Kazuma and wrestled him to the ground.

xXx

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"Veena. I am so sorry this happened. I cannot believe I betrayed your name like this," Kazuma said. He winced a little as Bishamon gently pushed back his bangs, dotting a patch of foundation over the mark on his forehead.

"It's okay, Kazuma," Bishamon said. She was concentrating on his forehead, blending the pigment with her fingers. "I know it was against your will. I'm actually surprised the other gods haven't tried to take you, yet," Bishamon said. She studied her handiwork, thoughtfully. "You're a Blessed Vessel. Wars have been fought to obtain shinki such as you."

Kazuma could feel Bishamon's fingertips gently dabbing at his forehead. She brushed back his bangs, leaning close. If Kazuma were to tilt his head forward, his chin would be flush against her shoulder.

"There," Bishamon said, and she pulled back, examining her handiwork. "You can barely see it, now," she said. Kazuma lifted his eyes.

"You seem oddly okay with this, Veena," Kazuma said. Bishamon smiled.

"It irritated me at first, but then I realized the Yatogami is like an idiot child. He'll only keep stealing my things so long as it'll get a rise out of me. I suspect he'll release you soon enough."

"I hope so," Kazuma said. Bishamon smiled, brushing back his bangs.

She dropped a quick kiss on Kazuma's forehead. Kazuma blinked, startled.

"Get some rest, 'Kazune,'" Bishamon said, and she rose, tucking her hair behind her shoulder.

xXx

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"What the hell do you mean, Kofuku gave you a name?!" Bishamon said. Kazuma hung his head, the brand on his forehead shining, brightly.

"I couldn't help it, Veena! She said that Yato looked like he was having so much fun, she wanted to take me as a nora, as well!"

("My lady's cheating on me!" Daikoku wailed. Kofuku pranced around him, pouring tea and hugging "Daikazu" and Daikoku by the arms.)

"So?" Bishamon said. "Where's her mark, Kazuma? Do we need to cover it too?" And she watched as Kazuma's glasses fogged up. "Kazuma?"

"Er, that won't be necessary, Veena."

"What do you mean?" Bishamon said. "Where is it?" And Kazuma blushed, ashamed.

"It's," Kazuma swallowed. "Well it's...it's actually on my left buttock."

They both looked at the back of Kazuma's pants, frowning.

"So help me, I will kill them both," Bishamon said.

xXx

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2.

 _"Waaaaah! Kazu-chan! You're so pretty~~~!"_

 _Kofuku did a little twirl, holding chouki's newest form: a girly pink wand with a star on top. A bead of sweat formed on Daikoku's brow._

 _"O-oi! Dummy! Don't wave that thing over-"_

 _"IYAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Kofuku said, and the wand erupted into an explosion of smoke and terror, the full concentrated evil of Kofuku's deathly aura sharpened like a laser and obliterating the house._

"So that's what happened," Bishamon said. She and Kazuma were at Kofuku's again, looking at the overturned tables and the uprooted trees. Kofuku skipped toward them and smiled.

"Kazu-chan is _super_ powerful," Kofuku said. "If I didn't hold back he would have destroyed all of Japan~~!"

"My apologies," Kazuma said. He hung his head, sheepishly. "If I knew what my abilities were, I might have been able to stop it."

"Actually, Glasses isn't half bad," Daikoku said. He came around the back, smoking a cigarette. "He's actually a pretty useful guy to have around, once I got used to having a partner."

 _"I wanna play with Kokki, too!"_

 _"Kofuku! Don't wave me around so much! Shit's starting to fall down!"_

 _"Crap!" Kazuma said, and the pink girly wand sparkled, brightly._

"Turns out Kazuma can control my Kokki form as well as he could your regalia," Daikoku said. "Normally the vents I make lead to huge ass storms, but Kazuma kept the vent confined to a tiny crack."

"It wasn't much," Kazuma said. "I just drew a few borderlines to limit the damage."

"Awww, don't be modest, Kazu-chan~!" Kofuku said, and she slapped him hard on the butt. "Thanks to you, Daikoku lets me go outside!"

Bishamon sighed, loudly. "Well, if my Kazuma can keep the Binbougami's deathly aura in check, then I suppose I don't mind letting you borrow him, from time to time."

"Really?!" Kofuku said.

"Just be gentle with him, Kofuku-dono! My Kazuma is very valuable to me!"

"Don't worry, Bisha~~!" Kofuku said. She twirled. "I'll do my best not to break him!"

Kazuma hid his head in his hands.

xXx

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They ascended back to Takamagahara, walking silently back to the mansion. Bishamon glanced back at Kazuma and offered him a smile.

"Don't fret, Kazuma," Bishamon said. "I told you, the Yatogami and Binbougami are like little children. Once they tire of this game, they'll release you soon enough."

"There was no way you could talk them out of it?" Kazuma said. Bishamon shook her head.

"I can't force them, Kazuma. Not unless I go to war."

They walked in silence. Above them, streaks of sunlight passed through the canopy of trees, dotting the dirt path with irregular shapes of shadows.

"I just...I never thought I'd be a Nora," Kazuma said. He put his hands in his pockets, smiling sadly. "Nora are those who betrayed their masters or were abandoned by them. I just can't help but feel a bit unsettled."

"I did not abandon you," Bishamon said. Kazuma lifted his eyes.

"Listen to me, Kazuma. You are my precious, precious chouki, and there is nothing that will change that! Don't you know how much you mean to me?" Bishamon said.

"We won't let the others find out you're a Nora," Bishamon said. "Kofuku's mark is hidden and Yato's is easily disguised. Just bear with it for a few more days. If those idiots don't release you by then, I promise you, I'll find some other way to persuade them."

xXx

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They were sitting on Kofuku's step, Yato and Yukine and "Kazune," when Ebisu and his shinki rounded the corner.

"Waaa! Ebisu!" Yato jumped up, pointing. "I told ya already I'm not gonna sell Yukine! So stop being creepy and just take 'no' for an answer!"

"In truth, Yatogami, I am here on a business-related matter." He pulled out a business card and presented it to Kofuku, bowing. "I seek the Binbougami's augury, so that I may know which businesses will flounder and which ones will prosper."

"Ebi-chan!" Kofuku waved and skipped to the porch. "Oh! You have something for me?"

"Yes indeed," Ebisu said, and he unrolled his map. He glanced up and looked again at Kazuma.

"Kazuma-kun," Ebisu said, pleasantly. "Is Bishamonten also up for an augury?"

Ebisu squinted. "You are wearing makeup. How unusual."

Kazuma jumped. "Ah! Well, you see-"

"Cream-to-powder foundations really do not work well for your skin type," Ebisu said. He started rummaging through his briefcase. "I suggest something with a matte finish, perhaps a liquid formulation. I have a sample in my briefcase if you would like to try some."

"Er, that really is not necessary," Kazuma said.

"Nonsense," Ebisu said. "Iwami. Do we have the liquid formulation with us?"

"It is in your other briefcase, sir."

"Bring that and three swatches over here, please. And a hand mirror, if you would be so kind."

"E-Ebisu-sama! Please do not trouble yourself, this really is not necessary."

"You are lucky, young Kazuma. Cosmetics happen to be a hobby of mine, as my movements are poor and I am prone to getting injured."

("Oi, Yato!" Daikoku said. "Isn't Kazuma tryin' to hide your mark? _Do_ something, you idiot! Kazuma's gonna get found out!"

Yato's eyes widened.)

"Oi, Ebisu!" Yato said. Ebisu turned. "I thought I told you to stop perving on my hafuri!"

"Hafuri?" Ebisu said.

Kazuma froze. Daikoku smacked himself on the forehead.

"I mean! Kazuma isn't _mine_ or anything! I definitely didn't name him and I _definitely_ did _not_ make him a stray!"

"Oh," Ebisu said. He glanced at Kazuma's forehead and looked back down at Kazuma's hand.

Kazuma tensed. A bead of perspiration rolled down Kazuma's temple.

"I remain loyal to the goddess Bishamonten!" Kazuma said. He jumped up, gesturing wildly. "The idiot Yato named me against my will! Please, I beg of you!" Kazuma said, and he threw himself on his knees. "I would never willingly betray my master!"

Ebisu blinked. "The Yatogami...named you?"

"I named him too, Ebi-chan~~" Kofuku called out.

"Oi, Kazuma, you dumbass! Ebisu wouldn't have figured it out if you didn't say anything!" Yato said.

"How surprising," Ebisu said. He stroked his chin, thoughtfully. "For such a blessed vessel to give himself to so many masters, I never would have expected this." ("Wait, Ebisu-sama! Let me explain!" Kazuma said.) "I was so sure the Yatogami would sell me his Sekki, I completely overlooked the looseness of Bishamonten's hafuri." ("Veena is the one I love! They took me against my will!" Kazuma said.) "But I suppose if you're willing, I should like to take you as well."

He lifted his hand into a halberd.

" _My name is Ebisu_ ," Ebisu said. " _Thou art Kazu. Thy vessel is chou_."

"Wait!" Kazuma said. "Wait, I beg of you, please!"

"Come," Ebisu said. " _Chouki._ "

And Kazuma zapped into Ebisu's breast pocket as a pocket watch. The gold chain glinted, tearfully.

"How nice," Ebisu said. "Look at this, Iwami. Kazumi is crying, and yet he isn't stinging me."

("Kazumi?" Yato said.

"Ain't that a girls' name?" Daikoku said.)

"It is as expected, from such a high-caliber shinki," Iwami said.

xXx

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"Ebisu named him?!" Bishamon said. Daikoku nodded and crossed his arms.

"Tch. Yeah. The bastard went up and gave Kazuma a fuckin' girls' name, too."

"Ebi-chan found out that Yato-chan and I had named him." Kofuku looked up at Bishamon, apologetically. "Even if Yato-chan and I release him, Ebi-chan still wants to keep him."

"Veena." Kazuma's voice was low. His eyes were puffy and red from crying, and his bangs were stuck to the mark on his forehead. "I'm so sorry for disgracing you."

"Kazuma!" Bishamon said. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

"No," Kazuma said, and he squeezed his eyes.

"Ebisu-sama was a complete gentleman! And I'm a piece of trash who enjoyed his company!"

"Huh," Bishamon said. Kazuma sobbed into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry for cheating on you, Veena!" Bishamon patted him on the back, awkwardly.

"It's alright, just...Kazuma calm down."

She led him into the grotto. Normally Kazuma would be too embarrassed about the prospect of bathing in front of her, but he was too distraught to think about such things. Dully he removed his shirt and pants and Bishamon could see the marks that were branded across his body, and her mouth pressed into a tighter and tighter line.

"Release him?" Ebisu said. Bishamon sat across from him, her hands on her lap, while Kazuma sat hunched beside her. "I have no intention of releasing him. But I do agree that you as his original master should be allowed some recompense. Iwami," Ebisu said, and Iwami stepped up and laid out a briefcase filled with money.

"I don't want your money," Bishamon said. Ebisu snapped his fingers.

"Another briefcase, Iwami," Ebisu said. Iwami set down the second briefcase and opened it next to the first.

"Are you trying to bribe me?" Bishamon said.

"Yes," Ebisu said. He motioned for a third briefcase. Bishamon sighed, heavily.

"Let me be blunt," Bishamon said. "If you don't release my Kazuma, I will take him back by force. You do not want to make an enemy out of me."

"A fourth briefcase please, Iwami," Ebisu said.

"Are you even listening?!" Bishamon said.

"Hmm, on second thought, perhaps we should add a fifth," Ebisu said.

"I don't want your money! I want my Kazuma back!"

"I understand. Kazumi is an exceptional shinki," Ebisu said.

"His name is _Kazuma_ , and _why_ would you even call him that? Kazumi is a girl's name!" Bishamon said.

"I thought it rather peculiar," Ebisu said. "I had just assumed Kazumi was attached to being 'chouki.'"

Bishamon sighed, exasperated.

"A sixth briefcase please, Iwami."

Iwami opened the sixth briefcase, which Ebisu lined up, expertly.

"Listen here, Bishamonten," Ebisu said. "I understand you have quite a few shinki in your family. I too have a large family, but I am blessed with the means to take care of them. Allow Kazumi to keep his name, and all my wealth and resources will be available not only to him, but to his family as well. Think of everyone who can benefit," Ebisu said. "A political alliance need not be so acrimonious. Allow me to take care of you and Kazumi, and I promise you your shinki will want for nothing.

And if you are concerned about him being a Nora," Ebisu said. "Just rest assured that only the Yatogami and Binbougami know of this. His mark is hidden. And you will find no other god to be just as discreet.

A seventh briefcase please, Iwami," Ebisu said, and he set it squarely on the table.

xXx

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"WHAT?!" Yato said. "YOU SOLD HIM?!"

"I didn't sell him!" Bishamon snapped. "He wasn't going to release him anyway, so it was either accept the money or kill him, and I'd rather not be responsible for Ebisu's reincarnation."

"Ha ha! You stupid bitch! You're basically Kazuma's pimp!" Yato said.

Bishamon groaned and banged her head on the table.

She was ready to go to war for him, but Kazuma was the one who urged her not to. "If you attack Ebisu, the heavens will be thrown into disarray. As your guide I cannot in good conscience allow you to do that."

"But it bothers you, right?" Bishamon said. "I could care less that you're a Nora, but I don't like to see you suffering."

Kazuma's voice was soft: "It isn't worth risking your godhood over."

"But you're worth the risk to me," Bishamon said.

Kazuma looked up. His eyes suddenly filled with tears.

"Kazuma!" Bishamon said. "Why are you crying? What on earth is wrong?"

"It is nothing." Kazuma smiled, a tear slipping. "My master truly cares for me."

"Ugh," Bishamon said, and she hugged him. "Of course I care about you! You're my family. I love you."

She could understand why Kazuma was so emotional - being forced into a nora was traumatizing enough, and the poor thing had ping-ponged between three idiot masters. And while she wasn't planning to kill Ebisu, she certainly wasn't above kicking his ass, but as her guide, Kazuma couldn't let that stand.

Now they stood alone in Kazuma's room, and the pale sunlight drifted through the curtains and bathed everything in a soothing white light. Bishamon crossed the room to sit hesitantly on the bed while Kazuma stood in front of her, awkwardly.

"Will you show me?" Bishamon said. Kazuma nodded, quietly. She hadn't had a chance to see the mark when Kazuma bathed in the grotto - he had been too upset then, and Bishamon didn't want to ask. Kazuma untucked his shirt and undid the buckle to his belt, and as he shifted the waistband of his pants Bishamon had to remember to keep her eyes forced down.

Ebisu's brand, unlike Yato's and Kofuku's, was located on the crest of Kazuma's hip. It sat just low enough so that it was hidden beneath the waistband of his boxers, but it was discreet enough so that nothing else would have to be exposed.

"At the very least, it isn't on your buttcheek," Bishamon said.

"Please do not remind me," Kazuma said, and he pulled his pants back up, buckling his belt.

"By the way, Veena," Kazuma began.

"Hm? What is it?" Bishamon said.

"I wanted to tell you-" he started, then shook his head and smiled.

"I wanted to tell you that I love you, too."


End file.
